Haiku(ˈhīˌko͞o,ˌhīˈko͞o) Productivity: The Power of Limits to Increase(i) Our Focus

By Leo Babauta

A decade(ˈdekād) ago, I wrote about “Haiku Productivity” and how limits can make us more productive, more focused, and better able to prioritize(prīˈôrəˌtīz,ˈprīərə-) and simplify(ˈsimpləˌfī).

The idea comes from haiku poetry(ˈpōitrē,ˈpōətrē), in which the poet(ˈpōit,ˈpōət) is limited to three lines and (essentially(iˈsenSHəlē)) 17 syllables(ˈsiləbəl). Such a crazy limit, and yet the poetry that can be produced is often very powerful.

The secret(ˈsēkrit): the poet is forced to choose, forced to simplify, forced to find the essence(ˈesəns) of the message. The constraints(kənˈstrānt) are actually a very powerful thing, because constraints force you to be disciplined(ˈdisəplind), to understand that because you have limits, every element(ˈeləmənt) in the container must be important, and you can’t just waste words.

Over the years, I would often lose sight of this wisdom(ˈwizdəm), but I keep coming back to it: when a container is unlimited, you’ll just fill it with anything. When you have constraints, you’ll be more careful, be more appreciative(əˈprēSH(ē)ətiv) of the limited space you have, and explore what’s important to you in more depth(depTH).

This applies(əˈplī) to every area(ˈe(ə)rēə) of life, including:

Productive time…
Clutter…(ˈklətər)
Projects…
People in our lives…
Life itself…

The list could go on much further(ˈfərT͟Hər), but what I really want to talk about today is the power of limits in increasing our focus on the meaningful work we really want to do — whether that’s creating art, creating a new business, creating happiness in our team or customers, or working on something meaningful in our personal lives.

https://zenhabits.net/haiku/

Casablanca(ˌkasəˈblaNGkə,ˌkäsəˈbläNGkə) Monologue(-ˌäg,ˈmänlˌôg)

Last night we said a great many things. You said I was to do the thinking for both of us. Well, I’ve done a lot of it since then, and it all adds up to one thing: you’re getting on that plane(plān) with Victor(ˈviktər) where you belong(biˈlôNG). …Now, you’ve got to listen to me! You have any idea what you’d have to look forward to if you stayed here? Nine chances(CHans) out of ten, we’d both wind up in a concentration(ˌkänsənˈtrāSHən) camp(kamp). Isn’t that true, Louie?

… I’m saying it because it’s true. Inside of us, we both know you belong with Victor. You’re part of his work, the thing that keeps him going. If that plane leaves the ground and you’re not with him, you’ll regret(riˈgret) it. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of your life. … We’ll always have Paris(ˈparis). We didn’t have, we, we lost it until you came to Casablanca. We got it back last night. … And you never will. But I’ve got a job to do, too. Where I’m going, you can’t follow. What I’ve got to do, you can’t be any part of. Ilsa, I’m no good at being noble(ˈnōbəl), but it doesn’t take much to see that the problems of three little people don’t amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world. Someday you’ll understand that. …Now, now… Here’s looking at you kid.

http://www.monologuedb.com/dramatic-male-monologues/casablanca-rick-blaine/

Baby Boomers(ˈbo͞omər) Reach the End of Their To-Do List

By Patricia(pə-) Hampl

Life, if you’re lucky, is divided(diˈvīd) into thirds, my father used to say: youth, middle age and “You look good.” The dawn(dän,dôn) of that third stage is glinting(glint) right at me.

It isn’t simply that at this point more life is behind me — behind any middle-aged person — than lies ahead. Middle-aged? Who am I kidding? Who do you know who’s 144?

It’s not just about aging. By the time you’ve worked long enough, hard enough, real life begins to reveal(riˈvēl) itself as something other than effort, other than accomplishment(əˈkämpliSHmənt). Real life wishes to be left to its own purposeless(ˈpərpəslis) devices.

This isn’t sloth(släTH,slôTH,slōTH). It isn’t even exhaustion(igˈzôsCHən). It’s a late-arriving awareness(əˈwe(ə)rnis) of consciousness(ˈkänCHəsnəs) existing(igˈzistiNG) for its own sake.

The to-do list that runs most lives through middle age turns out, in this latter stage of existence(igˈzistəns), to have only one task: to waste(wāst) life in order to find it. Who said that? Or something like that. Jesus(ˈjēzəs)? Buddha(ˈbo͞odə)? Bob Dylan? Somebody who knew what’s what.

Mine was the first year of the notorious(nō-,nəˈtôrēəs) American baby boom, 1946. The year three of our recent presidents(ˈprez(ə)dənt,ˈprezəˌdent
) were born: Bill Clinton(ˈklintən), George(jôrj) W. Bush, Donald Trump. “You’re a boomer!” we were always told, as if we were named for the bomb(bäm), that midcentury annihilator(ənīl-).

We got all the good stuff.

The postwar hope and determination(diˌtərməˈnāSHən) of our Depression(diˈpreSHən)-era(ˈerə,ˈi(ə)rə) parents was piled(pīl) upon us, the fossil(ˈfäsəl) fuel(ˈfyo͞oəl) of earlier generations we burned up without a care. We had a preposterously(priˈpäst(ə)rəs) long sense of our own youthfulness.

But now the boomers are approaching(əˈprōCH) the other side. Not death necessarily (though the time has begun when no one will say we were cut down too early). We’re reaching the other side of striving.

…
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/04/14/opinion/sunday/baby-boomers-to-do-list.html

Be an extreme(ikˈstrēm) character(ˈkariktər)

By Derek Sivers

This is both fun and considerate(kənˈsidərət).

When people say that a movie(ˈmo͞ovē) has a great character, they mean it was someone especially(iˈspeSHəlē) shocking(ˈSHäkiNG), funny, or honest(ˈänist). To be a great entertainer(ˌentərˈtānər), you need to be larger than life.

Push your outer boundaries. Show your weirdness(wi(ə)rd). Bring out all your quirks(kwərk). The world needs that.

Your public persona(pərˈsōnə) — the image you show the world — should be an extreme character. It can be a version of yourself, or it can be a mask. (It’s easier to be honest behind a mask.)

Some of the biggest musicians(myo͞oˈziSHən) of the last few decades(ˈdekād) have admitted they were playing a character. Eminem, for example, said he wrote lyrics(ˈlirik) with the goal of shocking a passive(ˈpasiv) listener into paying attention(əˈtenCHən). Then he built his public persona(pərˈsōnə) to match the lyrics.

Are you concerned(kənˈsərnd) that maybe you should play it safe, because your music isn’t so extreme? Well… Think of the conservative(kənˈsərvətiv), old-fashioned performers(pərˈfôrmər) that your great-grandmother probably liked. Frank Sinatra. Judy Garland(ˈgärlənd). Miles Davis(ˈdāvis). Billie Holiday. Even these old legends(ˈlejənd) were rather extreme.

It’s more interesting for the audience if you’re the opposite(ˈäpəzit) of normal. So be an extreme character. The spotlight(ˈspätˌlīt) is the excuse. You can get away with anything in the name of entertainment.

https://sivers.org/evers

Twinkle(ˈtwiNGkəl), Twinkle, Little Star(stär)

Twinkle, twinkle, little star,
How I wonder what you are!
Up above the world so high,
Like a diamond(ˈdī(ə)mənd) in the sky.

When the blazing(blāz) sun is gone,
When he nothing(ˈnəTHiNG) shines(SHīn) upon,
Then you show your little light,
Twinkle, twinkle, through the night.

Then the traveller(ˈtrav(ə)lər) in the dark
Thanks you for your tiny(ˈtīnē) spark;
He could not see where to go,
If you did not twinkle so.

In the dark blue sky you keep,
And often through my curtains(ˈkərtn) peep(pēp),
For you never shut(SHət) your eye
Till(til) the sun is in the sky.

As your bright(brīt) and tiny spark
Lights the traveller in the dark,
Though I know not what you are,
Twinkle, twinkle, little star.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Twinkle,_Twinkle,_Little_Star

Doing Dishes Is the Worst

This is now an empirically(emˈpirikəl) proven fact. Dishwashing causes more relationship distress(disˈtres) than any other household task.

By Caroline(-lin,ˈkarəˌlīn) Kitchener(ˈkiCH(ə)nər)

Every day, they slowly accumulate(əˈkyo͞omyəˌlāt). Plates(plāt) covered in sauces(sôs) and crumbs(krəm). Bowls(bōlz) with a fine layer of sticky(ˈstikē) who-knows-what. Forks(fôrk), knives(nī), and spoons all gummed(gəm) with bits of this and that. At the end of a long day of work, cooking, cleaning, and, for many, negotiating(nəˈgōSHēˌāt) with small children, a couple has to face the big question(ˈkwesCHən): Who is going to do the dishes?

A report from the Council(ˈkounsəl) of Contemporary(kənˈtempəˌrerē) Families (CCF), a nonprofit(ˈnänˈpräfit) that studies family dynamics(dīˈnamiks), suggests that the answer to that question can have a significant(sigˈnifikənt) impact on the health and longevity(län-,lônˈjevətē) of a relationship. The study examined(igˈzamən) a variety(vəˈrīətē) of different household tasks—including shopping, laundry(ˈlän-,ˌlôndrē), and housecleaning, and found that, for women in heterosexual(ˌhetərōˈsekSHo͞oəl) relationships, it’s more important to share the responsibility of doing the dishes than any other chore(CHôr). Women who wash the vast majority(-ˈjär-,məˈjôrətē) of the dishes themselves report more relationship conflict, less relationship satisfaction(ˌsatisˈfakSHən), and even worse sex, than women with partners who help. Women are happier about sharing dishwashing duties(ˈd(y)o͞otē) than they are about sharing any other household task.

What is it about dishes? Dan Carlson, an assistant(əˈsistənt) professor(prəˈfesər) of family and consumer studies at the University of Utah(-ˌtä,ˈyo͞oˌtô), and the lead author of the study, offers one possible reason: “Doing dishes is gross(grōs). There is old, moldy(ˈmōldē) food sitting in the sink. If you have kids, there is curdled(ˈkərdl) milk in sippy cups that smells disgusting(disˈgəstiNG).” Additionally(əˈdiSHənl-ē), unlike some other chores such as cooking or gardening, doing dishes well does not beget(biˈget) compliments, he observes(əbˈzərv): “What is there to say? ‘Oh, the silverware(ˈsilvərˌwer) is so … sparkly’?”

…
https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2018/04/doing-dishes-is-the-worst/557087/

How to Let Go of Hyperparenting(ˈhīpər ˈpar-,ˈpe(ə)rənt) and Learn to Relax(riˈlaks) With Your Kids

“If there is anything that we wish to change in the child, we should first examine(igˈzamən) it and see whether it is not something that could better be changed in ourselves.” – C.G. Jung

By Leo Babauta

If you’re a hyperparent, you might not even know it — we parents tend to be in denial(diˈnīəl) about that sort of thing.

But if you are, you might want to learn to relax — for your kids’ sake(sāk,ˈsäkē), and for yours.

Hyperparents are spotted(spät) when they are trying to educate(ˈejəˌkāt) their child from the womb(wo͞om), and expose(ikˈspōz) them to the most intellectually(ˌintlˈekCHo͞oəl) stimulating(ˈstimyəˌlātiNG) music and art and literature(-ˌCHo͝or,-ˌt(y)o͝or,ˈlit(ə)rəCHər) before the kid can crawl(krôl). They obsess(əbˈses) over everything, from whether the child is learning fast enough to how safe every single thing is to every little scrape(skrāp) and bruise(bro͞oz). They are overprotective, overbearing, overwhelming to the child.

I admit, I was a hyperparent once, and still can be sometimes. It’s a habit I’m trying to break, with some success.

And for those of you who are hyperparents, and will admit it if only to yourselves, I’d like to share(SHe(ə)r) some things I’ve learned, in hopes that it’ll help.

Be forewarned(fôrˈwôrn) that some of these suggestions(sə(g)ˈjesCHən) take a very different approach to parenting than the traditional(trəˈdiSHənl) methods(ˈmeTHəd) — I’m not suggesting everyone follow them, especially if you’re not willing to break with traditions. What I am suggesting is that these methods will help you relax, will help your child feel freer and less controlled and more able to explore and learn on her own, and could possibly(ˈpäsəblē) result in a better relationship with your child and a happier child overall. I don’t have proof of that yet, but I have a strong hunch(hənCH) based on how my kids react when I do these things right.

1. When you get angry, pick them up and hug them.

2. Make this your mantra(ˈmantrə,ˈmän-): treat them with kindness, treat them with respect.

3. Drop your expectations(ˌekspekˈtāSHən) of the child.

4. Let her play, let her explore.

5. Say yes, or some version of yes.

6. Stop trying to overeducate, and get out of the way.

7. Just focus on making the next interaction(ˌintərˈakSHən) with them positive(ˈpäztiv,ˈpäzətiv).

8. Take a moment to pause(pôz), and see things from your child’s perspective.

9. If the kid is “acting up”, try to figure out why, and meet that need.

10. The kid is already perfect as he is.

And now, relax. Enjoy every moment with your child, because they are too few(fyo͞o), too impermanent(imˈpərmənənt). Trust me — my oldest daughter is 16, and I can’t believe how fast her childhood has come and gone. Cherish(ˈCHeriSH) this time with them, and make every moment a good one. You’ll never regret(riˈgret) those moments of happiness, those moments when you said yes, when you let your child play, when you stopped controlling and started loving.

https://zenhabits.net/how-to-let-go-of-hyperparenting-and-learn-to-relax-with-your-kids/

Young(yəNG)

YOUNG

Damien(ā) is a man of twenty-four or so and is in need of reassurance(rēəˈSHo͝orəns).

DAMIEN

When I was a kid, I used to wake up screaming from these horrible(ˈhär-,ˈhôrəbəl) nightmares. I used to think that there were kidnappers(ne) and murderers(ˈmərdərər) coming to get me in my sleep. Weirdly(wi(ə)rd) enough(iˈnəf), it gave me this bizarre(biˈzär) comfort to know that at least I’d be on TV then and people would cry about how young I was and what a horrible shame(SHām) and what a waste(wāst) and yada yada yada.

These days it isn’t the waking up that’s rough(rəf), it’s the trying to get to sleep. I just lie(lī) awake and think about how I used to believe I’d be a millionaire(ˈmilyəˌne(ə)r,ˌmilyəˈne(ə)r) by thirty, and that was if the economy(iˈkänəmē) was really bad. How I’d be married by twenty-five and have a family after that. That’s how it’s supposed to work. A degree is supposed to be useful, or maybe I’m just lazy(ˈlāzē) or maybe I’m just doing it wrong or maybe I should’ve studied to be an engineer(ˌenjəˈni(ə)r) like my mom said. Anyway, these are the things that keep me awake at night. That weird voice that tells me I didn’t get anything done that day, even though I worked a ten-hour shift at the store and read three chapters of War and Peace. That should mean something. I feel like it doesn’t.

Maybe it’s just that I’m not young enough anymore to be looking forward. Things are supposed to be happening now. Not “mopping(mäp) up Aisle(īl) Three” happening, really happening. Grad school and teaching and tenure(-yo͝or,ˈtenyər) and…and I come home instead and turn on the TV and fall asleep and I never go out and meet anyone and maybe this is my life forever.

That was a little dark, wasn’t it? I tell you, I get this way sometimes. But then I look at these, like, Hollywood(ˈhälēˌwo͝od) superstars. And did you know, Judd(jəd) Nelson was twenty-six when he played Bender in The Breakfast(ˈbrekfəst) Club? I mean, he was playing a kid and he was older than I am now.

That thought(THôt) kind of calms me down. I mean, I’m not a movie star yet or anything, but I still could be. I’m young-ish, anyway. I’ve still got time.

https://www.instantmonologues.com/preview/Young

Canadian(kəˈnādiən) Hotel Forgives Guest 17 Years After Flock(fläk) Of Seagulls(ˈsēˌgəl) Trashed(traSH) His Room

By Scott Neuman

No, not the English new-wave band A Flock of Seagulls.

It’s the ubiquitous(yo͞oˈbikwətəs) seaside birds that deserve(dəˈzərv) at least part of the blame(blām) for getting Nova(ˈnōvə) Scotian Nick(nik) Burchill blacklisted at the Fairmont Empress(ˈempris) hotel in Victoria(vikˈtôrēə), Canada(ˈkanədə), one fateful(ˈfātfəl) day in 2001.

Burchill had planned to send a suitcase(ˈso͞otˌkās) full of pepperoni(ˌpepəˈrōnē) to his buddies(ˈbədē) in the Canadian navy(ˈnāvē). Writing on Facebook, he recounts that he decided to leave it near an open window so the chilly(ˈCHilē) air would keep the meats fresh.

“I remember walking down the long hall(hôl) and opening the door to my room to find an entire flock of seagulls in my room,” Burchill said in a recent letter(ˈletər) of apology to the 4-star hotel. “I didn’t have time to count, but there must have been 40 of them and they had been in my room, eating pepperoni for a long time.”

“They immediately started flying around and crashing into things as they desperately(ˈdespəritlē) tried to leave the room through the small opening by which they had entered,” said Burchill, who lives in Dartmouth. “The result was a tornado(tôrˈnādō) of seagull excrement(ˈekskrəmənt), feathers(ˈfeT͟Hər), pepperoni chunks(CHəNGk) and fairly(ˈfe(ə)rlē) large birds whipping around the room.”

Older and wiser now, Burchill chalked(CHôk) up the incident(ˈinsidənt) to youthful(yo͞oTHfəl) indiscretion(ˌindiˈskreSHən).

“I have matured(-ˈt(y)o͝or,məˈCHo͝or) and I admit(ədˈmit) responsibility for my actions,” he said in the letter. “I come to you, hat(hat) in hand, to apologize(əˈpäləˌjīz) for the damage(ˈdamij) I had indirectly(ˌindəˈrektli) come to cause and to ask you to reconsider(ˌrēkənˈsidər) my lifetime ban from the property.”

…
https://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2018/04/04/599363657/canadian-hotel-forgives-guest-17-years-after-flock-of-seagulls-trashed-his-room

从何时起他们从你心中的神坛掉了下来

I think they are perfect. Because I am not perfect.
One day, I stand by them, I find they are just as me.
They would take mistakes, they don’t know things what I don’t know.
So I think the they are trite.

Where is God from, and who created it.
We do.