The darkly soothing(ˈso͞oT͟HiNG) compulsion(kəmˈpəlSHən) of ‘doomscrolling’

Why does endlessly looking for bad news feel so strangely gratifying(ˈɡradəˌfīiNG) – and can we break the habit?

By Jessica Klein

Since the beginning of the pandemic, Emily Bernstein(ˈbərnstēn, ˌbərnˈstīn), 29, has been scrolling and scrolling and scrolling. As a Los Angeles-based comedy writer, Bernstein needs to read through Twitter and news sites for material. But it’s not just her job that keeps her reading: it’s the compulsion of ‘doomscrolling’ – trawling(trôl) through feeds without pause, no matter how bad the news is or how many trolls’(trōl) comments she reads.

“I found myself in bed at night scrolling news sites and knowing this is not healthy for me… so why am I doing this?” says Bernstein.

It’s a question many doomscrollers have been asking themselves. There are multiple reasons why the urge(ərj) to read may be so strong: the feeling of safety in knowledge, especially during difficult times; the design of social-media platforms that constantly refresh and boost the loudest voices; and, of course, the human fascination(ˌfasəˈnāSH(ə)n) aspect. “It’s like not being able to look away when you see a car accident(ˈaksədənt),” says Bernstein.

…

https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20210226-the-darkly-soothing-compulsion-of-doomscrolling

Near the End of April

By William Stanley Braithwaite

Near the end of April
On the verge(vərj) of May—
And o my heart, the woods were dusk
At the close of day.

Half a word was spoken
Out of half a dream,
And God looked in my soul and saw
A dawn(dôn) rise and gleam(ɡlēm).

Near the end of April
Twenty Mays have met,
And half a word and half a dream
Remember and forget.

https://poets.org/poem/near-end-april

Meaningful Impact When the New World Has Not Emerged(əˈmərj) Yet

By Leo Babauta

Our old lives are gone, and the new world has not been created yet. We’re in an in between state right now, and this can feel really shaky(ˈSHākē) for a lot of us.

There is a way that this in-between state, before the new reality emerges, can cause us to distract ourselves, to be pulled in a thousand directions, and to question everything we’re doing.

If that’s happening for you, you’re not alone. This in-between state of emergence(əˈmərjəns) can feel chaotic.

It’s also filled with immense(iˈmens) possibility.

It’s in this in-between state that we get to reinvent(ˌrēinˈvent) ourselves. Reinvent who we want to be, what kind of impact we’d like to create. We get to reinvent the new world, as it emerges!

Let me repeat that: from this in-between, chaotic state … we get to reinvent the world.

How freaking breathtaking.

Someone asked me: how do we distinguish meaningful impact with waste of time when the old world is gone but the new is not there yet? I love this question, because it’s so thoughtful, full of consciousness.

What if there’s no right answer?

What if there can be no waste of time, if we’re spending our time with our eyes open, our minds open to wonder, with beginner’s mind?

What new can we imagine? What new art can emerge? What new connections can we form? What new way of thinking can we invent?

This right here. This is our chance. This place of chaos and emergence and beauty and reinvention(rēinˈven(t)SHən).

Step into it.

https://zenhabits.net/new-world/

Do Americans respect their elders?

By John Gordon

One of the prevailing(priˈvāliNG) stereotypes(ˈsterēəˌtīp) in China about Americans is that we don’t take care of our elderly(ˈeldərlē). The image of an old, lonely grandmother wasting(ˈwāstiNG) away in a nursing home in the US is contrasted with the image of the grandmother in China being taken care of by her children as she ages. Is this stereotype a valid representation(ˌreprəˌzenˈtāSH(ə)n) of the reality of life in the US?

Let me tell you a story about my family.

My great-grandmother lived to be 100 years old. Her husband died at a young age, and she lived on her own in a small house in Durham, NC, until she was 95, when she moved in with her son, my grandfather on my mother’s side of the family. Throughout her life in Durham she was active in the community and had many friends who would often stop by for visits.

Why did my great-grandmother live on her own until she was 95? Was she abandoned by family members? Did my family not have the resources to take her in? In fact, she lived on her own because she loved her life and valued her independence. My grandfather had been suggesting for years that she move in with him, but she always refused.

Does this story mean that all elderly Americans who live on their own do so because they want to? Does it imply that there are no American grandmothers or great-grandmothers who die lonely in nursing homes? Well, no. There are many people who experience old age without the love and care of family members. But the vast majority(məˈjôrədē) of families in the United States care deeply about each other and do feel a responsibility to care for their parents as they age.

So Americans do value caring for the elderly, but they may express this care in different ways. They respect the right of the elderly to enjoy their lives and maintain their independence, and may express their care by respecting their parents’ wishes to live in a retirement(rəˈtī(ə)rmənt) community or nursing home.

In this case, and many others, we are better off trying to analyze(ˈanlˌīz) the reasons behind each situation than blindly(ˈblīn(d)lē) accepting the stereotypes we hear. After all, we don’t want Americans believing that all Chinese people are Kung Fu masters and wear clothes from the Ming Dynasty(ˈdīnəstē)!

Should you be grateful for a job?

It’s natural to feel thankful that you’re employed(imˈploid), especially when jobs are scarce(skers). But is that gratitude(ˈɡradəˌt(y)o͞od) actually a misguided emotion?

By Kate Morgain

It’s become a common(ˈkämən) refrain(rəˈfrān): “I’m just grateful to have a job”.

The last year has wreaked(rēk) undeniable(ˌəndəˈnīəb(ə)l) havoc(ˈhavək) on the working world. Globally(ˈɡlōbəlē), the working hours and income lost in 2020 added up to the equivalent(əˈkwiv(ə)lənt) of 255 million full-time jobs. Workplace closures, layoffs(ˈlāˌôf) and a steep rise in unemployment(ˌənəmˈploimənt) are enough to make anyone who’s managed to hold onto their job feel some measure of gratitude – or, at least, pressure to be grateful.

That pressure pre-dates the pandemic. One of the most pervasive(pərˈvāsiv) conversations around jobs is that we should be thankful to be hired(ˈhīərd), especially when competition(ˌkämpəˈtiSH(ə)n) for a position is fierce(firs). Candidates are even expected to express the sentiment(ˈsen(t)əmənt) if they want to be hired in the first place: it’s hard to imagine leaving an interview without saying how much you appreciate being considered, or sending a thank-you email.

But it’s possible some of that gratitude is misplaced. Perhaps it’s not quite(kwīt) appropriate to be thankful that an employer is ‘letting you’ work for them. And while gratitude can be objectively(əbˈjektivlē) good for you – research consistently associates giving thanks with increased happiness – it also has a darker side that can make you more willing to put up with a situation that makes you unhappy.

…

https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20210329-should-you-be-grateful-for-a-job

Desperation(ˌdespəˈrāSH(ə)n) Loyalty(ˈloiəltē)

By Steve Pavlina

Desperation loyalty is remaining loyal(ˈloi(ə)l) to a group or identity based on neediness or clinginess(ˈkliNGē), often in violation(ˌvīəˈlāSH(ə)n) of more important values. It is a place of stuckness that elevates(ˈeləˌvāt) loyalty to others above the commitment to grow.

It’s relatively(ˈrelədivlē) easy to spot this in other people. It’s harder to spot this in ourselves.

If you pursue a strong and centered path of personal growth for many years, you will outgrow many friends and social groups along the way. That’s a normal part of a life of growth and change.

But at some point in your journey, especially early on, you may have doubts about taking the next leap because it may feel like a leap into aloneness.

The truth is that you may sometimes leap into aloneness, but these needn’t be leaps into loneliness.

Accepting an invitation(ˌinvəˈtāSH(ə)n) to grow is an individual decision. That is your challenge to face, and some challenges in life must be faced alone. Now and then it’s important to get away from social influences to dwell in the fire of your own values and let them burn out of you what no longer feels aligned(əˈlīn).

The antidote(ˈan(t)iˌdōt) to desperation loyalty is inspiration loyalty. Feel the call of this fiery(ˈfī(ə)rē) invitation, and give it your full attention when it demands this from you.

https://stevepavlina.com/blog/2020/11/desperation-loyalty/

The Power of Now

By Eckhart Tolle

INTRODUCTION

THE ORIGIN OF THIS BOOK

I have little use for the past and rarely think about it; however, I would briefly(ˈbrēflē) like to tell you how I came to be a spiritual(ˈspiriCH(o͞o)əl) teacher and how this book came into existence(iɡˈzistəns).

Until my thirtieth year, I lived in a state of almost continuous anxiety interspersed(ˌin(t)ərˈspərs) with periods of suicidal(ˌso͞oəˈsīdl) depression. It feels now as if I am talking about some past lifetime or somebody else’s life.

One night not long after my twenty-ninth birthday, I woke up in the early hours with a feeling of absolute dread(dred). I had woken up with such a feeling many times before, but this time it was more intense than it had ever been. The silence of the night, the vague(vāɡ) outlines of the furniture(ˈfərniCHər) in the dark room, the distant noise of a passing train — everything felt so alien(ˈālēən), so hostile(ˈhästl), and so utterly(ˈədərlē) meaningless that it created in me a deep loathing(ˈlōT͟HiNG) of the world. The most loathsome(ˈlōTHsəm) thing of all, however, was my own existence. What was the point in continuing to live with this burden of misery(ˈmiz(ə)rē)? Why carry on with this continuous struggle? I could feel that a deep longing for annihilation(əˌnīəˈlāSHən), for nonexistence, was now becoming much stronger than the instinctive(inˈstiNG(k)tiv) desire to continue to live.

“I cannot live with myself any longer.” This was the thought that kept repeating itself in my mind. Then suddenly I became aware of what a peculiar(pəˈkyo͞olyər) thought it was. “Am I one or two? If I cannot live with myself, there must be two of me: the ‘I’ and the ‘self’ that ‘I’ cannot live with.” “Maybe,” I thought, “only one of them is real.”

I was so stunned(stənd) by this strange realization that my mind stopped. I was fully conscious, but there were no more thoughts.

…
https://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577314808/

Relationship Podcasts Reveal(rəˈvēl) the Truth About Marriage(ˈmerij)

Married hosts offer honest conversations about their personal issues and the challenges that can arise(əˈrīz) in any partnership(ˈpärtnərˌSHip).

By Jennifer Altmann

Gambling(ˈɡambəl), infidelity(ˌinfəˈdelədē), moving away from a shared religious(rəˈlijəs) faith(fāTH). These topics, once hidden behind closed doors, are now discussed openly as couples choose to broadcast their relationships on podcasts.

On “Marriage and Martinis(märˈtēnē),” a New Jersey(ˈjərzē) pair describes getting to the brink(briNGk) of divorce(dəˈvôrs), propelled(prəˈpel) by the husband’s trips(trip) to Atlantic City. On “Black Millennial(miˈlenēəl) Marriage,” a couple(ˈkəpəl) share their grief(ɡrēf) over a miscarriage(ˈmisˌkerij) and its lasting repercussions(ˌrēpərˈkəSHən). The couple on the “IMbetween Podcast” talk about troubles with in-laws.

Podcasts have exploded(ikˈsplōdəd) in popularity in recent years, and now dozens of them are hosted by married couples who offer bracingly(ˈbrāsiNGlē) honest conversations about the challenges of long-term partnership.

The hosts say that podcasting serves as a form of couples therapy(ˈTHerəpē), forcing them to pay attention, confront(kənˈfrənt) problems head on and spend quality time together. They also hope to help others feel less alone by bringing up issues that are often couched in silence.

Most of them knew little about creating a podcast before they plunked(pləNGk) down a few hundred dollars for equipment and pressed record. The couples typically don’t rehearse(rəˈhərs) or even edit much, which gives their work an off-the-cuff feel (as does the fact that they often record at home, with dogs barking in the background and children barging(bärj) in).

…

https://www.nytimes.com/2021/04/06/style/marriage-advice-podcasts.html

Every breakthrough comes from someone you know.

By Derek Sivers

When I was promoting my music, I used to look to the big wide world for opportunities.

Only later, I realized that every great thing that happened in my career came from someone I knew.

When you come to an opportunity through a connection, you have an advantage. You’re not anonymous(əˈnänəməs). You’ve already passed through a filter, and passed a test. You’re treated special because it’s a personal referral(rəˈfərəl).

Does this mean you should stop looking to the world for opportunities? No! Of course not!

Take some of that searching time, and spend it on keeping in touch with your existing contacts.

Then also keep looking to the world. But when you find an opportunity, don’t just toss(tôs) your music in with the rest. Get to know the people behind it. Set yourself apart. Get personal. And now this is someone you know.

Every breakthrough comes from someone you know.

https://sive.rs/syk

Yes, your kids are spending more time on screens. Stop feeling guilty about it.

By Sara DeWitt

My kindergartner’s(ˈkindərˌɡärtnər, ˈkindərˌɡärdənər) class had to go all virtual Friday. My third-grader(ˈɡrādər) had an asynchronous(āˈsiNGkrənəs) day. And I was making a big Zoom presentation(ˌprezənˈtāSH(ə)n). Minutes before I logged on, I handed the boys snacks(snak), water, a TV remote and my iPad. When I reemerged(ˌrēəˈmərj), they reported that they had watched five straight(strāt) episodes(ˈepəˌsōd) of “Arthur,” while simultaneously(ˌsīməlˈtānēəslē) building a giant(ˈjīənt) tower in Minecraft.

This is when I’m supposed to tell you how guilty I feel. But I don’t, and neither should you.

A year into the pandemic, we all know that kids’ screen time has gone up.

…

But while the circumstances in which children are using screens have changed, media coverage of screen time continues to treat any increase in screen time with alarm(əˈlärm) and anxiety. No one wanted kids to be out of school for a year and barred(bärd) from their neighborhood playgrounds; no one expected to have their children with them while they worked every day for a year. Of course screen time has gone up! Why are we shaming(SHām) parents about it? And why aren’t we curious about whether that screen time itself is different?

…
https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2021/03/29/yes-your-kids-are-spending-more-time-screens-stop-feeling-guilty-about-it/