There’s Still a Pandemic Happening. It’s OK Not to Please Everyone.

There’s Still a Pandemic Happening. It’s OK Not to Please Everyone.

The desire to make others happy can undermine(ˌəndərˈmīn) our safety. Don’t let it.

By Anna Goldfarb

As many states continue the rocky path to reopening — and, in some cases, reverse(rəˈvərs) course(kôrs) — some people might feel pressured(ˈpreSHər) to attend gatherings and events during the coronavirus pandemic before they’re ready. Declining(dəˈklīniNG) invitations(ˌinvəˈtāSH(ə)n) and setting boundaries around personal comfort can be especially fraught(frôt) for people-pleasers(plēz), who already struggle with saying no, according to experts.

Maybe you grudgingly(ˈɡrəjiNGlē) agree to attend a family member’s birthday party when you’d prefer to stay home, or a friend insists(inˈsist) on meeting for brunch when you’re not yet ready to dine(dīn) at a restaurant. Guilt(ɡilt) — It’ll break your brother’s heart if you don’t show up — and flattery(ˈfladərē) — Seeing you will lift my spirits. Just stay for one mimosa(miˈmōsə)! — can sometimes be used in these scenarios(səˈnerēˌō) to nudge(nəj) people-pleasers in a certain direction or to convince(kənˈvins) them to agree to something they’re not comfortable with, experts say.

“When we get honest about the ‘why’ behind our actions, it becomes clear how unhealthy it is,” said Natalie(‘nadəlē) Lue, an author, podcaster and founder of Baggage(ˈbaɡij) Reclaim(rəˈklām), a self-help blog. Ms. Lue, who calls herself a recovering people-pleaser, said the “why” could be “because we’re trying to control how others perceive us, we’re hoping to get something in return, or because we feel afraid, obliged(əˈblīj) and guilty.”

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https://www.nytimes.com/2020/07/16/smarter-living/people-pleaser-coronavirus.html