Iron and the Soul

Iron(ˈīərn) and the Soul(sōl)

By Henry Rollins

I believe that the definition(ˌdefəˈniSHən) of definition is reinvention(rēinˈven(t)SHən). To not be like your parents. To not be like your friends. To be yourself.

Completely(kəmˈplētlē).

When I was young I had no sense(sens) of myself. All I was, was a product of all the fear and humiliation((h)yo͞oˌmilēˈāSHən) I suffered. Fear of my parents. The humiliation of teachers calling me “garbage(ˈgärbij) can” and telling me I’d be mowing(ˈmō-iNG) lawns(lôn) for a living. And the very real terror(ˈterər) of my fellow students. I was threatened(ˈTHretn) and beaten(ˈbētn) up for the color of my skin and my size. I was skinny(ˈskinē) and clumsy(ˈkləmzē), and when others would tease(tēz) me I didn’t run home crying, wondering why.

I knew all too well. I was there to be antagonized(anˈtagəˌnīz). In sports I was laughed at. A spaz(spaz). I was pretty good at boxing but only because the rage(rāj) that filled my every waking moment made me wild and unpredictable. I fought(fôt) with some strange fury(ˈfyo͝orē). The other boys thought I was crazy.

I hated myself all the time.

…

Then came Mr. Pepperman(ˈpepər), my advisor(ədˈvīzər). He was a powerfully built Vietnam(vēˌetˈnäm, vēˌetˈnam) veteran(ˈvedərən, ˈvetrən), and he was scary(ˈske(ə)rē). No one ever talked out of turn in his class. Once one kid did and Mr. P. lifted him off the ground and pinned him to the black board. Mr. P. could see that I was in bad shape, and one Friday in October he asked me if I had ever worked out with weights. I told him no.

He told me that I was going to take some of the money that I had saved and buy a hundred pound set of weights at Sears(si(ə)r). As I left his office, I started to think of things I would say to him on Monday when he asked about the weights that I was not going to buy. Still, it made me feel special. My father never really got that close to caring. On Saturday I bought the weights, but I couldn’t even drag them to my mom’s car. An attendant(əˈtendənt) laughed at me as he put them on a dolly(ˈdälē).

…

It wasn’t until my late twenties that I learned that by working out I had given myself a great gift. I learned that nothing good comes without work and a certain amount of pain. When I finish a set that leaves me shaking, I know more about myself. When something gets bad, I know it can’t be as bad as that workout.

…

Muscle mass(mas) does not always equal strength. Strength is kindness and sensitivity(ˌsensəˈtivədē). Strength is understanding that your power is both physical and emotional. That it comes from the body and the mind. And the heart.

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https://www.oldtimestrongman.com/articles/the-iron-by-henry-rollins/