The public you is not you

The public you is not you

By Derek Sivers

I hope you don’t have to learn this lesson the way I did.

One day, I wrote a blog post sharing what I had learned while switching between the PHP programming language and Ruby on Rails(rāl) framework. At the time, my blog had no readers, so I didn’t think anyone would see it. I just wrote it for the record.

But when I woke up the next morning, my post was all over the tech news sites, and it was like I had insulted(inˈsəlt) everyone’s religion(rəˈlijən). There were over a thousand comments(ˈkämˌent) saying that I was a complete idiot(ˈidēət) and a terrible(ˈterəbəl) programmer.

At first I was upset and insulted, like anyone would be. Then, luckily, something switched in my head and I realized the most important point: They weren’t talking about me. They were talking about a cardboard(ˈkärdˌbôrd) cut out that looked like me. A little online avatar(ˈavəˌtär) that has the same name as me, but is not me.

I couldn’t be offended(əˈfendəd) when they said I was a terrible programmer, because they had never seen my code. I couldn’t be offended when they said I was an idiot, because they didn’t know me. They had read a few paragraphs(ˈparəˌgraf) of an article and spewed(spyo͞o) some insults. Their reactions had nothing to do with the real me.

Suddenly it was like watching a little videogame character get attacked(əˈtak). It was funny to watch, part of the game, and not personal at all.

Then I realized it was the same with compliments(ˈkämpləmənt). I couldn’t take praise(prāz) personally, either. Some people have liked things I’ve written(ˈritn) or made, and have said nice things about me. But those aren’t the real me, either.

So the conclusion is this: Public comments are just feedback on something you made. They’re worth reading to see how this thing has been perceived(pərˈsēv). You can even take it as feedback on the public image you’ve created. All people know is what you’ve chosen to show them. So if your public persona(ˌpərˈsōnə) is coming across wrong, try tweaking(twēk) it.

Never forget that the public you is not you.

https://sivers.org/publicu