When Grandparents Help Hold It All Together

When Grandparents(ˈɡran(d)ˌperənt) Help Hold It All Together

Sociologists(ˌsōsēˈäləjəst) use the term “intensive(inˈtensiv) grandparenting” to refer to a commitment to providing(prəˈvīdiNG) regular(ˈreg(ə)lər,ˈregyələr) child care, often accompanied(əˈkəmp(ə)nē) by housekeeping or other tasks.

By Paula(ˈpälə) Span

Much as I look forward to spending time with my granddaughter(ˈɡranˌdôdər) each week, Thursdays can feel long.

I board(bôrd) the commuter(kəˈmyo͞odər) train in my New Jersey(ˈjərzē) town at 8:14 a.m., switch to the subway in Manhattan(manˈhatn,mən-) and reach my daughter’s apartment in Brooklyn(ˈbro͝oklən) by 10. Bartola, who’s nearly 3, comes hurtling(ˈhərdl) down the hallway(ˈhôlˌwā) to greet me. (That’s a family nickname, a nod(näd) to the former Mets(met) pitcher(ˈpiCHər) Bartolo Colon(ˈkōlən).)

My Bubbe Day shift (it’s Yiddish(ˈyidiSH) for grandma) lasts until 6. By the time her parents take over and I trek(trek) back home, roughly(ˈrəflē) 12 hours have passed.

But that’s nothing compared to the time that Bill Borbely, 65, a retired(rəˈtī(ə)rd) marketing(ˈmärkədiNG) executive(iɡˈzekyədiv), puts in. When his daughter and son-in-law(lô) announced(əˈnouns) their first pregnancy(ˈpregnənsē), he recalled, “I said, ‘You don’t have to worry about day care.’ And they haven’t.”

He’s on the job Monday through Thursday in Point Pleasant(ˈplezənt), N.J., caring for two granddaughters, ages 5 and 3, for a total of 26.5 hours. Because I want Bartola to see that everyone shares in home tasks, she “helps” me unload the dishwasher(-ˌwäSH-,ˈdiSHˌwôSHər) and do her laundry(ˈlän-,ˌlôndrē). Mr. Borbely, however, has been known to mow(mou,mō) his kids’ lawn(lôn).
Maybe Carol(ˈkarəl) Hewitt tops us both. As her daughter and son-in-law in the Bay Area(ˈe(ə)rēə) debated(dəˈbāt) whether to have children. “I said, ‘Go for it, get pregnant(ˈpregnənt). I’ll watch the kids.’”

In 2014, the year her daughter gave birth to twins and Ms.(miz) Hewitt(hiwāt) turned 65, she’d been traveling(ˈtravəl) back and forth from Kentucky(kənˈtəkē), where she was involved in a relationship, but resettled(rēˈsedl) in California to care for her grandchildren three times a week until they began school. She’s still providing after-school, sick day, summer and date-night babysitting(ˈbābēˌsit).

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https://www.nytimes.com/2019/07/23/well/family/when-grandparents-help-hold-it-all-together.html