Understanding Human Relationships

Understanding Human Relationships(rəˈlāSH(ə)nˌSHip)

By Steve Pavlina

One of the most important relationship lessons I learned was this: The relationships we have with other people are projections of the relationships we have within ourselves(ou(ə)rˈselvz,är-). Our external relationships and our internal relationships are in fact the same relationships. They only seem different because we look at them through different lenses(lenz).

Let’s consider why this is true. Where do all your relationships exist(igˈzist)? They exist in your thoughts(thoughts). Your relationship with another person is whatever you imagine(iˈmajən) it to be. Whether(ˈ(h)weT͟Hər) you love someone or hate(hāt) someone, you’re right. Now the other person may have a completely different relationship to you, but understand that your representation(-zən-,ˌrepriˌzenˈtāSHən) of what someone else thinks of you is also part of your thoughts. So your relationship with someone includes what you think of that person and what you believe s/he thinks of you. You can complicate(ˈkämpləˌkāt) it further(ˈfərT͟Hər) by imagining what the other person thinks you think of him/her, but ultimately(ˈəltəmitlē) those internal representations are all you have.

Even if your relationships exist in some objective(əbˈjektiv) reality independent of your thoughts, you never have access to the objective viewpoint. You’re always viewing(ˈvyo͞oiNG) your relationships through the lens of your own consciousness(ˈkänCHəsnəs). The closest you can get to being objective is to imagine being objective, but that is in no way the same thing as true objectivity. That’s because the act of observation(ˌäbzərˈvāSHən) requires a conscious(ˈkänCHəs) observer(əbˈzərvər), which is subjective by its very nature.

…
https://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2007/01/understanding-human-relationships/