How to Stop Being Disappointed

How to Stop Being Disappointed(ˌdisəˈpoin(t)əd)

By Steve Pavlina

If someone is late about 70% of the time, and you expect(ikˈspekt) them to be on time, that’s a rather foolish(ˈfo͞oliSH) prediction(priˈdikSHən), isn’t it? They may be on time, but they probably won’t be.

What many people will do is get angry(ˈaNGgrē) with the friend who’s frequently(ˈfrēkwəntlē) late. Does this usually change that person’s behavior? Perhaps sometimes, but it usually(ˈyo͞oZHo͞oəlē) has little or no effect. The person will most likely continue(kənˈtinyo͞o) being late at roughly(ˈrəflē) the same frequency(ˈfrēkwənsē).

Wanting a person to change doesn’t change their behavior. It’s more likely to cement(səˈment) the behavior in place(plās) since people tend to resist(rəˈzist) others’ demands(dəˈmand) of them.

Instead of resisting your predictions, a more sensible(ˈsensəbəl) approach(əˈprōCH) is to accept them. Accept(əkˈsept) that your friend will probably continue to be late most of the time.

Note that this doesn’t mean predicting that your friend will always be late, so you can be pleasantly(ˈplezntlē) surprised when they’re on time. That would be inaccurate(inˈakyərit) as well. It means accepting that you don’t really know when they’ll show up and that most likely they’ll be later than they say they will. Predict based on reality(rēˈalətē), not on overly positive or negative(ˈnegətiv) expectations(ˌekspekˈtāSHən). In many cases your prediction will be a spectrum(ˈspektrəm) of possible outcomes with some being more probable(ˈpräbəbəl) than others.

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https://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2012/07/how-to-stop-being-disappointed/