When You Have a Voice Telling You You're Inadequate

When You Have a Voice Telling You You’re Inadequate(inˈadikwət)

By Leo Babauta

This week I had conversations with a couple of loved ones who struggle(ˈstrəgəl) with an inner voice that tells them that something is wrong with them. It made me think about many years where I felt this sense(sens) of inadequacy(inˈadikwəsē), a deep sense of not being worthy(ˈwərT͟Hē). I still struggle with it sometimes.

This is a particularly(pə(r)ˈtikyələrlē) difficult problem, because it affects everything in our lives. It causes us to struggle with trust and insecurity(ˌinsiˈkyo͝oriti) in our relationships (personal and work). It makes us less happy with ourselves and more likely to catastrophize(kə’tæstrəfaiz) when something goes wrong.

This last bit makes it hard when we are working on improving our sense of self-worth(wərTH), but then we mess up and because we have a feeling something is wrong with us, we are harsh(härSH) on ourselves and our efforts fall apart.

So what can we do when we have this inner critic(ˈkritik), this voice inside us that doesn’t seem to feel that we’re worthy?

There’s no magic(ˈmajik) bullet(ˈbo͝olit), but here’s what I’ve found to help.

The Practice of Self-Compassion(kəmˈpaSHən)

The first place to start is with the ancient(ˈānCHənt) meditation of compassion and loving-kindness. This is because when we have been beating ourselves up for years, there’s a deep sense of pain and a lack of kindness to ourselves. We need to reverse this, every day.

So the practice is just to take a minute every single morning (or evening), notice your pain, and silently wish for it to end. Wish for your own happiness. Then do the same for people you know.

For example, you might repeat each of these phrases(frāz) three times, trying to genuinely(ˈjenyo͞oin) feel these wishes in your heart:

May there be an end to my suffering.

May I be happy.

(Thinking of someone you care about) May there be an end to their suffering.

(Thinking of someone you care about) May they be happy.

…
https://zenhabits.net/goodness/