How to Let Go of Hyperparenting and Learn to Relax With Your Kids

How to Let Go of Hyperparenting(ˈhīpər ˈpar-,ˈpe(ə)rənt) and Learn to Relax(riˈlaks) With Your Kids

“If there is anything that we wish to change in the child, we should first examine(igˈzamən) it and see whether it is not something that could better be changed in ourselves.” – C.G. Jung

By Leo Babauta

If you’re a hyperparent, you might not even know it — we parents tend to be in denial(diˈnīəl) about that sort of thing.

But if you are, you might want to learn to relax — for your kids’ sake(sāk,ˈsäkē), and for yours.

Hyperparents are spotted(spät) when they are trying to educate(ˈejəˌkāt) their child from the womb(wo͞om), and expose(ikˈspōz) them to the most intellectually(ˌintlˈekCHo͞oəl) stimulating(ˈstimyəˌlātiNG) music and art and literature(-ˌCHo͝or,-ˌt(y)o͝or,ˈlit(ə)rəCHər) before the kid can crawl(krôl). They obsess(əbˈses) over everything, from whether the child is learning fast enough to how safe every single thing is to every little scrape(skrāp) and bruise(bro͞oz). They are overprotective, overbearing, overwhelming to the child.

I admit, I was a hyperparent once, and still can be sometimes. It’s a habit I’m trying to break, with some success.

And for those of you who are hyperparents, and will admit it if only to yourselves, I’d like to share(SHe(ə)r) some things I’ve learned, in hopes that it’ll help.

Be forewarned(fôrˈwôrn) that some of these suggestions(sə(g)ˈjesCHən) take a very different approach to parenting than the traditional(trəˈdiSHənl) methods(ˈmeTHəd) — I’m not suggesting everyone follow them, especially if you’re not willing to break with traditions. What I am suggesting is that these methods will help you relax, will help your child feel freer and less controlled and more able to explore and learn on her own, and could possibly(ˈpäsəblē) result in a better relationship with your child and a happier child overall. I don’t have proof of that yet, but I have a strong hunch(hənCH) based on how my kids react when I do these things right.

  1. When you get angry, pick them up and hug them.

  2. Make this your mantra(ˈmantrə,ˈmän-): treat them with kindness, treat them with respect.

  3. Drop your expectations(ˌekspekˈtāSHən) of the child.

  4. Let her play, let her explore.

  5. Say yes, or some version of yes.

  6. Stop trying to overeducate, and get out of the way.

  7. Just focus on making the next interaction(ˌintərˈakSHən) with them positive(ˈpäztiv,ˈpäzətiv).

  8. Take a moment to pause(pôz), and see things from your child’s perspective.

  9. If the kid is “acting up”, try to figure out why, and meet that need.

  10. The kid is already perfect as he is.

And now, relax. Enjoy every moment with your child, because they are too few(fyo͞o), too impermanent(imˈpərmənənt). Trust me — my oldest daughter is 16, and I can’t believe how fast her childhood has come and gone. Cherish(ˈCHeriSH) this time with them, and make every moment a good one. You’ll never regret(riˈgret) those moments of happiness, those moments when you said yes, when you let your child play, when you stopped controlling and started loving.

https://zenhabits.net/how-to-let-go-of-hyperparenting-and-learn-to-relax-with-your-kids/